i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
