can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
