Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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