One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
