can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i came on her dog
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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