I should be sponsored by Trojan
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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