We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize