somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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