my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
