isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
