i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
