Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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