I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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