What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she told me i tasted like america
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
