Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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