when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
