"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
