For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
