the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
