Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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