Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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