i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
