Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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