he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im holly from the hills drunk
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
