Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
