you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
