I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
