Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
