I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
