It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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