WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
