You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
