If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Rumble strips road head = magical
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
