Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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