I think I am morally bankrupt
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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