Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
