"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize