u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
