I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize