I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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