david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
