Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
