I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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