oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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