Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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