I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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