We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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