i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
