she sounds like chewbacca in bed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
