Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
