That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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