I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
