i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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