so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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