Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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