Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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