Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
