I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
