i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
