he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
