this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
