4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize