omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
