yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
