i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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