Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
