she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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