I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
