Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
