is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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