well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry about my life...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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