i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
