Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
