Cold hands, warm shart.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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