Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
