Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
