I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
