Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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