her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i used baking grease as lip gloss
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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