ugly people sure do ruin things
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
