Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
