at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
