but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize