Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
