I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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