I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
