You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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