don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
