Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
