If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
