omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
