I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
