lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The feeling are messing with the penis
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
