Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
