I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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