First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
